Life as Betsy

I can’t help but kind of wish that there was a similar site for "friends". Or rather, acquaintences you’d rather not know or wish onto anyone else you know - except maybe your mortal enemies. Because they steal or lie or backstab or front stab or are just inexcusable.

A number of months ago, Sarah and I were going to do this thing with someone she’s known for years. And while Sarah and I are extremely close, our friendship is still newer and occasionally, we both feel we need to ask the other not to judge us on random things. This was one of those times that she felt she needed to warn me or run her disclaimer on this particular friend. "She tends to lie and she’ll stab you in the back if it means she’ll get further ahead in life." Knowing this going in to meet her, I gave her the benefit of the doubt but also kept her about five inches beyond arm’s length. When word got back to me that I had somehow inadvertently pissed her off with my not fulfilling something she felt I’d promised her, I was miffed, but not surprised. Sarah had warned me.

It had been a similar scene with the two of us very early in our friendship when I introduced her to my friends. When I knew I’d be taking her to meet two of the friends and that they’d had a couple glasses of alcohol, I knew she needed to be warned about one of the friends. Because there is no brakes on this particular girl’s mouth or brain or sexuality. There is no filter between her brain and mouth at any given point, so what would three double Grey Goose vodkas do to her? I knew I needed to flash the disclaimer banner before introducing her. Good thing I had because as I had predicted, drunken friend did not fail to make dumb-ass insensitive comments, 3/4ths of which probably weren’t even true.

We would hope that we only surround ourselves with the kind of people we don’t feel we need to run disclaimers on - please don’t think ill of me because I spend time with this person, or that person, or him over there either. But I would also hope that I surround myself with people who wouldn’t judge me because of the people I spend my time with, either.

Sometimes, it is just this need to warn others for their own sanity and self-preservation. When the same Grey Goose vodka gulping friend met some of my former co-workers and started spending plenty of time with them, I really did feel like I should warn them not to let her too far into their personal lives. She is very benign and endearing when you meet her - very beguiling, but she also has this need to be in the middle, the thick of everything. I’ve been known to say that I so grateful that she was living nowhere in the area when Mike and I were first dating, because only God knows how badly she would have wedged herself into the middle of that. So when I was able to reach one of those friends and speak to him privately, I tried to give him the most innocent disclaimer I could.

So if there was a website for warning people about less than worthwhile friends, would you use it?