Life as Betsy

So the summer of 2005 is when Mike and I met, but we met in August. Earlier that spring and summer, I had been dating a guy named Garrett, who’d I’d met a year or so before through his friend Sonny. Garrett and Sonny were part of a group of friends (like a lot of us) who were very close and often spent a lot of time together. In Garrett’s case, a number of them even all shared a house together owned by his brother. So it wasn’t strange on a Friday or Saturday night that a number of us decided to hit downtown Portland and go dancing. I can recall that it was either in May or early June that this night happened, because it was the first time in two years of being back in Vancouver that I had laid eyes on Liz Rolling.

(Liz had been a friend of our group of friends since . . . elementary school, but we’d all kind of parted ways with her after high school. Aja and I kind of wondered if/when we’d run into her because while Vancouver is big enough, it’s not that big. Sure enough, it took me just over two years and there I was, standing in line to get into McFaddens and she was in the VIP line across the door opening from me.)

I can remember when it was because it was the first time I was doing WW and I remember wishing that I was a bit further into the WW process, so I would have been a bit thinner when I saw her. Seeing as how this was the first time I’d seen her since 1999, it was definitely the heaviest she’d ever seen me. But nonetheless, she recognized me and I recognized her and we both, I’m sure, did the girl size up thing. I immediately determined that while pieces of her outfit were fabulous, all of them pieced together made her look trampish. I am sure she was just amused at how heavy I was. (Not that it matters, but I was in jeans, heels and a cute double layered creamish tanktop set I’d gotten at Old Navy. I remember this because it was one of the two times I got to wear it, the second being in San Diego, before I washed it per its instructions and little tiny holes appeared in various places in the fabric. I still have the shirt, it still hangs in my closet, but as of yet, I am not comfortable enough to attempt to sport the deconstructed look.)

We all get into McFaddens (Liz and her group just before us) and anyone who has been to McFaddens knows that it is 1. a Meat Market 2. a sweat box. Its set up more like a sports bar that just kind of clears an area every night for a ‘dance section’. So if you want to dance, you are crammed into this area and sometimes, it is unbelievably cramped. But somehow, we fit ourselves into the place and make our way to the bar to order.

I should better describe to you our group before I get any further - there was myself, looking as cute as I could about 10 pounds down from my heaviest weight ever, Garrett, the guy I was seeing at the time, who by the way, is 7′0" tall and heavy on that frame as well, Hector, who was probably as heavy as Garrett (maybe a little less) but about 5′10", Sonny, who while he is about 5′8" has a wrestler’s build, and their friends Katie and Jenika, who I’d met several times and got a long with quite well and Chandra, who Katie and Jenika knew and I, oddly enough, had gone to high school with. Katie and Jenika hit the dance floor while the guys and I and Chandra went to get drinks.

Garrett had recently discovered Scotch and was standing there, like lord of the manor, sipping his Scotch and occasionally joining conversations. The other guys were drinking probably beer and I was sipping a soda because I was counting my points and most likely had driven too. The entire time, I am very, very aware that I am in the same building as Liz Rolling and am attempting to keep my eye out for her without seeming like I am interested in nothing else but her.

We soon spot her and her group on the dance floor, not far from where Katie and Jenika are dancing and Chandra goes to join them. I stood with Garrett and the others for awhile more, half chatting and half watching the dance floor. (I also at this time tried to get Garrett to spill his drink on Liz, but he argued that it was a fifteen dollar glass of Scotch. Even after I offered to buy his replacement drink, he still refused, obviously, because he is a better person than me.) So for another ten or fifteen minutes, I watched the dance floor, noticing Liz but at the same time, starting to notice these three girls kind of in the middle of the dance floor who were only dancing with each other, but definitely doing some aggressive dancing as well.  They were purposely bumping and elbowing people behind them so those people would kind of bump and elbow back and they’d start shit with them. Never to the point that security needed to be called in, but enough for anyone around them to kind of notice (or me standing on the sidelines). Generally, the people (girls) these three pirhanas would start shit with would apologize and move away or leave the dance floor all together, opening the pirhanas’ dance area a bit, until some new, unsuspecting couple or group of friends moved in near them and the same shit would happen again.

Katie and Jenika at some point then grabbed me and made me come dance with them and of course, Garrett, Hector and Sonny all followed, now making the dance floor that much more crowded. I, of course, am aware how close I am dancing to Liz’s group, but also, how close the pirhanas are to us as well.  And then Liz does some funky dance move that involves a split (something she never could do in high school, the one year she was a cheerleader) and I looked closer. At some point in the evening, Liz and her friends had already left McFaddens and I’d been watching this other girl who had similar hair and a similar top on.

Silently, I thanked Garrett and God that we did not spill Scotch on this poor girl.

I settled into dancing and enjoying the group and the music and the experience when "BAM!" I catch a sharp elbow in my back. I slyly glanced behind me to see that I was back to back with the ‘leader’ (i.e. pirhana starting the most shit) of the pirhanas. Not being one to back down, I bumped her back and kept dancing. She then bumps harder into me and I back, all the while, neither of us making eye contact or evening facing each other. This is all done in a nearly innocent way. You’d have to be watching to actually notice it was happening. This probably continued for the next 45-50 seconds when she then turns around and actually pushed me back a little into Katie.

"Bitch!" She screams over the music. "What the fcuk is your problem?"

Now, knowing that I was dancing on the same dance floor as these girls and possibly would have a run in with them, I had my comeback all ready.

"What is my problem? What the hell is your problem? The three of you have been starting shit with this entire dance floor all night! Don’t play dumb, I’ve been watching you do it."

"Oh really? We’ve been starting shit . . .  do you want to take this outside?" (Seriously, what girl says that??)

And then I smiled at her and said "Honey, are you crazy? I am here with the three biggest guys in the entire place! Do you really want the fcuk with me?" It was about then that she and her friends notice my 7 foot tall date standing directly behind me and Hector was not too far off either.

"Fine." And as far as I know, the girls didn’t start any more crap for the rest of the night.

Now, anyone who knows Garrett and Hector and Sonny (or the rest of their group) knows they are good guys who don’t randomly beat people down or anything. But if someone needed defending, I was always confident they’d have my back.

So there is my crowning comeback moment story. For all of you to read and hopefully, so I won’t even momentarily forget it again.