Life as Betsy

When you live like that, devoted to letters, emails and phone calls, you also live by the calendar. I would spend hours creating my own four or five month calendars on graph paper and tape them to my bathroom mirror, something that I saw on a daily and regular basis. Why make it? It took time. It ate time.  And on those calendars, I would count down the months, weeks, days until my guy and I were reunited. I started living as if I were just surviving until I was once again in his arms.

But once he arrived, or I got to him, I would quickly begin the agonizing countdown until we were parted again and I would return to my hand drawn calendars and empty heart. The moments we were together would be wonderful, but they were also tainted from the months I wasted waiting for those precious few. Looking back now, I know the cost I paid for failed relationships.

When Mike walked into my life, the calendars came down. The watches were taken off.  Time didn’t stand still, but it stopped mattering so much. I wasn’t counting down days until, but rather, started appreciating each one for all that it had to offer. Even the days when we kiss goodbye in the morning and only get an hour or two together at night are worth so much to me.

It’s an entirely new sense of freedom. True, we all have a limited amount of time on this earth. Whether it be five more years or fifty, it is all so much richer now with him.

Today we have been married for six months. In some ways, I cannot believe its already been that long and in others, I am shocked that we have only gotten this far. We’ve already made it through moving, letting go of a pet, both of us getting laid off and my attempt to lose weight (again). Oh yeah, and my hair cut. Which doesn’t seem like something trying,( and really, it wasn’t) but you try telling a man who loves long hair (don’t they all????) that you are going to cut it and see how comfortable the room stays. Currently, he is calling me Piper and telling me how late 80’s/early 90’s my hair is. Oy.

My friend Liz Harper asked how the first year was going, since she had heard from married friends that the first year is the hardest. I have heard that too but I am happy to report that so far, aside from all the stressful finanical shit and the tearful nights of wondering what we were going to do, its wonderful. Because all that stuff is external from ‘us’. "Us" is great. The fact that we curl up together on the sofa and watch movies, or make dinner together, or goof around, despite all the other stuff, is perfect.

I know it won’t always be. I know there are harder times coming, times that will test our bond and our love, but like my mom said, we are just one of those couples who are going to make it.