Life as Betsy

SWAG

April 27, 2008 – 10:00 pm

Is it cheesy and childish and materialistic to list what you got for birthday gifts? Probably. But I was so openly showered with love this year that I don’t want to stay quiet about it. I am overwhelmed at how amazingly caring and thoughtful my friends are. But it’s better to show than just tell . . .

From Sarah  and Vanessa, a Spa basket filled with pampering goodness, not to mention fabulous royal purple towels and the softest lavender blanket. Some Burt’s Bee’s stuff, some Dove chocolates and Jelly Belly’s. These girls KNOW me.

From my parent’s, some new Croc’s. I already have a Mary Jane pair, but found these today and they look so cute and slender on. Working in a salon will mean being on my feet all day and unlike doctors who can wear sneakers, I will have to look cute and stylish. I definitely think these fit that bill.

Being married has awakened my baking gene and in recent months, I have found many wonderful recipes. Cupcakes are a new fascination and my parents also got me this double decker cupcake carrier. Also, Mom found these cupcake on the go cases, that hold one cupcake, you know, for like lunches.

My brother got me another Nalgene bottle, (because my husband steals mine) and I am addicted to them. Cancer-schmancer.

Also from my parents - jeans of encouragement. Jeans in the next size down . . . Mom and I both hope to be down another twenty by the family reunion and these will definitely help me stay focused.

From my friends Heather and Mark, tulips and hyacinth, which meals soooo good. I wish I had a garden of them.

From Jessica, a memo/mouse pad. I love anything stationery-ish.

From my parents, Coach sunglasses, which Mom and I went and picked out today. They are so wonderful. I love them already . . .

From Miss Nicolle, a mini rose bush. Hopefully, my black thumb won’t kill it, though Nicolle says I can blame her if I do . . .

From my husband, a white gold diamond ring for my right hand.

And last, but not least - Kate and Aja, along with my parents, are all contributing money for my shears. I am not sure when I will be purchasing them, but I am tucking the money away until it’s time to get them.

I wouldn’t say it was the BEST birthday, but it was definitely up there in the top three. I want to thank all of my friends and loved ones from coming out and helping me celebrate. I have the best people in my life.

So now the wash week is over and it is back to being focused on the workouts and the point counting. I have new jeans to get into!

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My friends are my estate

April 24, 2008 – 9:56 pm

I would have to say that while I haven’t ever devalued my birthday, in the past few years, growing older has made me become a little more realistic about my birthday. The haunting bitter words of my ex still ring in my ears "It’s just another day, like any other." and while they are bitter, they are sadly, true. For nearly everyone else in the world, today was just another day. A Thursday. A weekday, a workday, a school day. A few lucky kids got to enjoy ‘Take your child to work day’, as it happened to have fallen on today, but for the most part, it was another day.

But my family and friends made it more for me today. My husband woke me at 5 am, too excited to wait much longer to give me my birthday gift. And now, not even a year into our marriage, I have a right hand diamond ring. It’s simple and very much my taste. I arrived to school, my phone buzzing left and right with birthday greetings and I did my best to legally, safely respond to them. The girls at school had covered my station with cookies and cupcakes and soon, there was a huge hoagy sandwich joining them. I joined my parents for a lovely lunch at Gray’s on the Park and spent most of the afternoon, practicing up do’s. Kate dropped by with balloons and a sweet Gerber daisy arrangement and Mom dropped off a beautiful birthday cake at the house. Mike and I had a nice dinner out together and soon, Kate will be picking me up for a quick late night happy hour drink with Aja.

It’s little things like that, along with the occasional "Happy Birthday wish from classmates, or a jolly text from so many friends that kept me searching for old text messages to delete, to make room for the birthday ones. And then . . . to come home to the comments on my page, the emails and word from Heather and Jessica at my old job that I would be seeing them on Saturday. . . . it’s all so sweet.

Sometimes, when I pop onto a page of Myspace friend to wish them a happy birthday when I hardly talk to them throughout the year, I feel a little silly. I wonder if it really matters to them that I remembered or noticed and responded. But today, when I saw all these friends wishing me a happy day, it really made me grin. Sometimes in life, you get to feeling so small, you wonder if the world can really even see you.

I feel like I was really seen today. Thank you for your kind words. I know this is going to be another amazing year.

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Take these broken wings and learn to fly

March 24, 2008 – 10:32 pm

At one point in my life, she nearly took my breath away. I wanted to be as close to her as any pubscent, heterosexual girl could want to be with her new BFF. Weekends spent with her were almost magical and I hated the thought of having to go home. Going back to my school, that lacked her, and having to face my classmates who did not think I was as wonderful as she did. And none of them were as amazing as her, in my opinion.

But here we are, 13 odd years later and she is a wayward stranger that I occasionally hear things about through the gossip mill. Sad gossip, true gossip and it all leaves me wondering what happened that led her to the point she is in her life. How did she go from being that vibrant girl who made me want to be just like her to an unwed druggie single mom with an underweight baby that we all shake our heads at?

Its a mixture of pity and dismay and dashed hope I am feeling right now. A prayer goes out to her tonight. Maybe this baby will put her on a better path.

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Change of Pace

March 9, 2008 – 10:31 pm

I guest blogged over at Sarah’s blog today . . .  you can read my entry here.

And you should know that my temp to perm position turned out to be very temporary. Rumor has it, the entire Vancouver office may be closing, so I suppose its better that I was able to get out when I did. I am not mad at anyone, but am frustrated at the situation. See, my entire point in going to cosmetology school is to learn a trade that will get me out of the "office" setting and put a little more control  of my life and career into my own hands. So when a temp job that is seeming to be a perfect fit in every way goes away, well, it is frustrating to say the least.

But I am resilient as always. And I am already working on a way to get this done, perhaps even faster than originally planned. It is merely a pot hole in the road.

Posted in Blogging, Job Hunt, Friends, Blog 365, G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S | No Comments »

God only know’s when I’ll see you again

March 2, 2008 – 11:35 pm

We sat there this morning, munching on bagels and sipping on coffee as we caught each other up on our lives. It’s only been three weeks since we last all saw each other, but it is amazing how much can happen. Car wrecks, surprise trips and announcing the sex of a new niece or nephew. I look at these girls and I marvel at how far we’ve come and still how much further we have yet to go in life.

It reminds me of the weekend brunches on "Sex and the City", where Carrie and Samantha and Charlotte and Miranda all get together. But to try to fit the three of us into their character molds . . . well, I’d probably be mostly Samantha with a dash of Carrie. You’d have to ask the others who they feel they’d be. But the older we get, the more "adult" our lives become. Kind of crazy to think in a few years, we’ll be thirty. In less time than that, we’ll be attending our 10 year high school reunion.

I have such wonderful friends. Not just Kate and Aja, but Sarah and Vanessa and Lizzie and Jessa too. It scares me a little to think of how much can change in the next year and a half. I worry that I will "get out" next October and feel like I’ve lost some ground. Really, true friendships aren’t about gaining, losing or maintaining ground. You find that common ground with someone and no matter what happens, that common ground stays right where you left it. Break ups, make ups, jumping oceans or giving birth, it changes you but enhances the friendships - if they are true.

I know that there will be Friday evenings with wine and Sunday morning brunches to keep us close. Just don’t lose my number, kay?

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Non-Political

February 8, 2008 – 4:44 pm

Non-political

I have a confession to make - I am not political. Other than knowing the basics ( like Republicans are generally wealthy, uber-religious homophobes who tend to carry concealed weapons and Democrats are usually the opposite) I just can’t tell you much. Recent laws passed? Nah. Who was running for President, who’s dropped out and who is still in the running? Kind of. I know Fred Thompson is out (because he was on "Law and Order") and couple other guys too . . . . I know Hillary and Obama both are still in and Obama has Oprah on his side and Huckabee has Chuck Norris on his. Who’s on Hillary’s side (other than Bill)? Is this like Red Rover, where the biggest team with the coolest kids wins? Does Mike Huckabee have anything to do with the movie "I Heart Huckabee"? Oh. I do remember John Edwards is out – but only because I heard about it on E!’s "The Soup" and they were making fun of his appearance on Tyra Banks’ talk show (more so making fun of the fact that he had to endure it than anything).

 

 

It’s surprising that I know, or care, so little when I have so many friends who are very political. I have friends who work in D.C. and friends who work on campaigns. I have friends who made went to college for this political stuff and the entire subject makes me feel very small and very stupid. What the hell is a caucus? And all these Tuesdays . . . why are they so important? Super Tuesday? What? Is it because it fell on Mardi Gras? What made this Tuesday’s voting more important than any other? I think I get the basics of voting with the state and the electorial college and all but honestly, after the whole issue with Florida and Bush stealing the election and the guy I voted for getting screwed . . . well, I don’t know how it all works, really. How can I cast my vote and say who I want, but in the end, its this college or cabinet or group of people who really get to choose and in the end, that doesn’t matter either.

 

 

The last time I voted – I was sick. Supersick. I know it was November 2004, because I voted after working in downtown Portland. I know I voted for Gore, mostly because he wasn’t Bush. I don’t remember much else.

 

 

Do the issues stay the same each election? More taxes, lower taxes, a woman’s right to choose? Get our troops out, send more troops over, quit pissing off the guys who control the oil and gas prices. Its all a big fat question mark and one I don’t feel all that inspired to learn more on. I just want a quick, down and dirty political lesson. These are the candidates, these are the issues, this is what you should be concerned about and this is just for show. Here are the things that will affect you the most. This is what you need to be concerned about and why. I find it hard to sit and listen to the news, because as I find out, certain news stations are more Republican and others are more Democratic.

 

 

This is just one of the topics on my list of "Things Everyone Else Got into that I Missed the Memo On, Apparently". Its as if there was one day at school that everyone got informed and jazzed up on it all and I was home sick. It was probably the day I had my meningitis scare.

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This is how we roll

January 18, 2008 – 11:55 pm

Portland City Grill. Friday Night. Happy hour goodness. Bumping into waitress and being assured its okay, what was spilled on you was only water.  Random Russian men seated next to you and constantly checking you out. Getting pulled over for running a yellow and only getting a warning because you are so dang hot! Plastic covered menus. Smoke-free lounge. Validated parking. Top Shelf. Private table. Running into ex-boyfriends you’d rather not see. Pointing out the awesomely hideous hair his friend is sporting. Annoying middle age woman trying too hard at the next table over, throwing herself at a man who was clearly is not interested. Running into old classmates who are always delightful to see.  Good food, good drinks, great friends . . . next time, you have to join us.

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Tipsy and high on paint fumes

January 12, 2008 – 11:55 pm

Folks, I am seeing orange. Literally seeing orange. Not a metaphor or homonym or whatever. Hanging out at Sarah’s house tonight, trying to stay positive post 1/11 (email me if you don’t understand the reference), we decided to paint her daughter’s bedroom. Iris is one of the few little girls I have ever met whose favorite color is orange. So here we are, drinking red wine and painting her room something darker than creamsicle but lighter than tangerine.

Sorry this blog is so pathetic. I’m tipsy and tired and talking to Sarah’s husband at the same time. Better post tomorrow. I promise

Posted in Daily, Friends, Blog 365 | No Comments »

Smile to your face, stabbing your back

January 5, 2008 – 1:24 am

For the past several years, websites like Don’t Date Him Girl.com have been helping to warn women about crappy guys we all should stay away from. Women can sign up and build a profile while giving details of a relationship they had that went wrong with guys, for future possible girlfriends or wives to research. Now, naturally, scorned women can sometimes be overzealous, and there are probably more than a handful of lawsuits tied to the website at any given point and time. But you got to admit, it’s pretty smart.

I can’t help but kind of wish that there was a similar site for "friends". Or rather, acquaintences you’d rather not know or wish onto anyone else you know - except maybe your mortal enemies. Because they steal or lie or backstab or front stab or are just inexcusable.

A number of months ago, Sarah and I were going to do this thing with someone she’s known for years. And while Sarah and I are extremely close, our friendship is still newer and occasionally, we both feel we need to ask the other not to judge us on random things. This was one of those times that she felt she needed to warn me or run her disclaimer on this particular friend. "She tends to lie and she’ll stab you in the back if it means she’ll get further ahead in life." Knowing this going in to meet her, I gave her the benefit of the doubt but also kept her about five inches beyond arm’s length. When word got back to me that I had somehow inadvertently pissed her off with my not fulfilling something she felt I’d promised her, I was miffed, but not surprised. Sarah had warned me.

It had been a similar scene with the two of us very early in our friendship when I introduced her to my friends. When I knew I’d be taking her to meet two of the friends and that they’d had a couple glasses of alcohol, I knew she needed to be warned about one of the friends. Because there is no brakes on this particular girl’s mouth or brain or sexuality. There is no filter between her brain and mouth at any given point, so what would three double Grey Goose vodkas do to her? I knew I needed to flash the disclaimer banner before introducing her. Good thing I had because as I had predicted, drunken friend did not fail to make dumb-ass insensitive comments, 3/4ths of which probably weren’t even true.

We would hope that we only surround ourselves with the kind of people we don’t feel we need to run disclaimers on - please don’t think ill of me because I spend time with this person, or that person, or him over there either. But I would also hope that I surround myself with people who wouldn’t judge me because of the people I spend my time with, either.

Sometimes, it is just this need to warn others for their own sanity and self-preservation. When the same Grey Goose vodka gulping friend met some of my former co-workers and started spending plenty of time with them, I really did feel like I should warn them not to let her too far into their personal lives. She is very benign and endearing when you meet her - very beguiling, but she also has this need to be in the middle, the thick of everything. I’ve been known to say that I so grateful that she was living nowhere in the area when Mike and I were first dating, because only God knows how badly she would have wedged herself into the middle of that. So when I was able to reach one of those friends and speak to him privately, I tried to give him the most innocent disclaimer I could.

So if there was a website for warning people about less than worthwhile friends, would you use it?

(Mike just asked what this blog was about and I said "Bad friends". "Bad friends, huh. I don’t have any of those. You know why? Because if they are bad, they aren’t friends." I have to agree.)

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Buckshot

December 20, 2007 – 12:10 pm

 

I wrote a back in August a very specific blog about my wedding and being the occasional vindictive writer, I carefully chose my words for the desired impact on a particular group of people who I knew would be reading it. My point in doing so was for them to realize a.) what they missed out on b.) what a wonderful time we had without them. Seeing as how I am no longer speaking with the people that was aimed at, I am not sure it had the desired affect, but I am going to go out on a limb and assume it did. Yeah, it makes me feel better.

But a week or so after writing it, I came to find out that a friend who had nothing to do with that particular group in my aim, was troubled by what I had written. Not specifically the same part of the blog, but she was bothered nonetheless. Her best friend had read the blog and sent it to her, asking if she thought I was jabbing at her. I wasn’t. It hadn’t even entered my realm of thinking these friends would read into that as they did. It still annoys me that I unintentionally hurt someone with something that I wrote, but I can’t take it back.

A similar situation arose more recently (this week) where I used one very small but very important word to appease certain friends and hurt other friends in the process. I am trying to process the feelings this has arisen in me, simply from my hurt friends pointing this out. It brings me to a place where I feel small and pointless and undeserving. I feel like a four year old, crawling until the kitchen table, sobbing as I announce "I don’t deserve my friends." because, really, I don’t. As graceful and thoughtful and conscientious as I try to be about the people in my life, I still manage to muck things up and feel as competent as a pregnant Spears sister.

I occasionally wonder if I shouldn’t blog as much, or about such relevant things. I could just fill my blog with quizzes and surveys and keep things kosher. But there is more to life than filling out the same questions asked 18 different ways. I did stop blogging for about nine months a few years ago, because the guy I was seeing at the time didn’t understand the point or need for it and what I was doing in and with my life at the time was not all that appropriate for public viewing. And to be honest, I really missed it. It is such a great way to chronical your life and where you were and how you were feeling at a certain point in time. My first fewer years of blogging were lost when Scribble.nu crashed and there were some really important moments there that I won’t get back.

I just hate that I can hurt my friends without knowing it or meaning it. I worry about boundries and appearances - if I comment too much, will she find me annoying? Should that be left as an email or a comment? Is it TMI for their page? Should I befriend this friend of her’s? Will she think I am just a friend whore? I know people out there who seem to be only on here to build their popularity.

I never realized that life needed so many disclaimers.

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