Life as Betsy

John Hancock and all

It still is strange to see my name say Frey. To introduce myself as Frey. To introduce Mike as my husband. These terms and changes do not come naturally to me . . . it is a conscious thing, like keeping good posture; I have to work at it. It really is hard to spend so many years going by one name, only to suddenly change it. Nevermind how many times I practice my married signature, writing his name with mine. It still is something I have to work at. I sign credit card slips and checks more carefully now, pausing at the J of my middle initial to recall "You are going to write Frey after this."

I am still not referred to as "Mrs". I have checked that box on an application or two for various things, but have yet to have anyone actually call me that. It’s like "Mommy", a name I know one day is coming, but not one I have heard yet.

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Protected: Bear at the door

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One boy, One girl

I went to my parent’s house tonight after school to dye Easter Eggs with my mother and grandmother and while we were wrapping the eggs in rubber bands and then dunking them in various dyes, my father came down to say hello.

EDIT:: I am informed by my mother that part of this story is correct and part of it is another story from early in their relationship that I have merged together. But the details are not as important as the fact that they met then, and are still happily married now.

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She will be loved

There are times when the petting and pawing grows irksome and I just want to say "Please stop." I am not a cuddler when I sleep and I am still not used to a man who so unabandonly loves my curves - fat, flaws and freckles. But seeing as how he isn’t going anywhere, I better get used to it soon.

Yes, this just may be what fairy tales are made of.

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Up against the world

Seven months ago, I became Mrs. Michael Frey. And in many ways, this was a hard month. A harder month - perhaps the hardest yet. Some of the demons faced were my own; in my own head and my own heart and realm of understanding. Some were external demons - identity theft and personal violations that left our little marital bliss island bubble a bit less shiny and a bit more tarnished.

I hate to think that there are people out there who’s goal in life is to cheat, lie, steal and betray complete strangers, but they are out there and they aren’t going away. I get those who are only out there for themselves - they’ll do anything to get ahead in the world. But a large number of those people are legal, if not moral or ethical. Its those who are there to illegally fcuk you over that make me cringe and cry a little on the inside.

It doesn’t change the fact that Mike is my constant, my rock, my strength. He is one that I know, no matter what, I can count on and trust in. I would expect no less from my husband. So the demons can come and do their worst. They aren’t going break us.

These are the days by Sugarland

It’s written on our palms and
It’s written on our hearts
It’s written in our songs and
It’s written in the stars
Sometimes all we can do
Is stand up tall
When they’re standing in line
Just to watch us fall

Well, we got each other and that’s all we need
From here on out it’s just you and me
Two hometown hearts up against the world
That don’t stand a chance against this boy and girl
We faced ‘em down, fought bigger fights
And I know babe we’re gonna be alright

 chorus

Well, it feels like we’re living from pay check to check
And we wake up wondering what might happen next
Yeah, someitmes it feels like we won’t make it through
But the hard times pass
Like the good ones do
Baby wrap your fingers and
Hold on tight
I’ll be right here beside you tonight
Baby climb up here
Watch the city glow
Let’s make a wish on the fireworks below
We’re making moments that we won’t forget
And feeling ones that haven’t happened yet

Whoa
Don’t be afraid
We can’t forget these are the days

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Time flies when you’re happy. In fact, it soars.

It would not be a stretch to say that for a number of years, I was the queen of long distance relationships. Not because of how many years I spent living in another location from my boyfriend, but how many various relationships I had that were long distance. In fact, I had four relationships in a row that were long distance for one point in time or another. To be fair, only one (the last) was one where we actually started out and remained in this distant locations for the duration of the relationship.

Happy six months, baby!

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Happy Holidays!

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Yours, Mine and Ours

Back when Mike and I were in Pre-Marital Counseling, our minister Drew pointed out the typical areas that new couples struggle with in compromising and agreeing on certain topics. Money, childrearing, faith are all areas that seem to be on the top of the typical list, but the one that I am having the hardest time adjusting to and compromising with is the whole splitting the holidays between the families thing.

My family has been one of those transplant families without local ties. My nearest cousins live in Gig Harbor, WA and Boise, ID and after that, California. But it’s always been that way, having most of my dad’s family on the Southern West Coast (Los Angeles area) and my mom’s family on the East Coast (Watkins Glen, NY, Princeton, New Jersey, Pennsylvania) so my brother and I really haven’t ever experienced a big family Christmas, despite coming from a large extended family. Christmas day has always consisted of primarily Mom, Dad, Betsy, Andy and my grandmother Madeline. Christmas day meant a day of spending time together, taking our time to open gifts and stopping to eat for a bit and then going back for more presents. Having spent so much time shopping for and wrapping each gift, my mom has never allowed us to just rip through our gifts. It was always a relaxed process of everyone opening a gift, one at a time, so the rest could watch and enjoy.

Now I know for peope who aren’t used to a Christmas like that, it seems odd, but actually, its really nice to be able to stretch Christmas morning beyond an hour or two. There have been Christmas days that we were opening gifts until 2 in the afternoon, just because the five of us could. I’ve grown accustomed to a Christmas like this and let me tell you, the few Christmases that I spent elsewhere, I found it almost wrong that we didn’t do Christmas like that.

Since we were accustomed to a Christmas day like that, where gift opening did take a good long time and Mom would begin preparing the dinner after that, I could never understand the need for movie theaters to be open on Christmas day. Why are people leaving their houses to go do other things? It’s Christmas! Spend it with family! (Of course, I grew up a little more and realized that 1. Not everyone celebrated Christmas 2. Not everyone had a family unit like mine where you would want to spend an entire Christmas day with your family 3. Not everyone’s family was in one spot.) But seeing as how my family did celebrate, were close and were in one spot, my understanding and accepting of this fact was irrelevant, until now.

Yes, I believe we should spend part of Thanksgiving and Christmas with both my family and Mike’s. No, I don’t think my family traditions are any more important than his, though I am a bit more partial to then because I have been honoring them for the last 26 years. Regardless of who’s house we are celebrating a portion of the holiday with, these families do celebrate Christmas. They do it in a similar fashion to our own.

Mike’s family tradition has been at some point, joining up with his father’s wife Shonda’s family, the van Luiks. Shonda is from a large, local family and at some point in early afternoon on Christmas day, they all get together for a gift exchange. At Thanksgiving, names are drawn from a hat or a bowl of who each unit is getting a gift for that year. It is their tradition. I don’t even know how long they have been doing it. Now that I am somewhat married into that family (almost all of the brothers and sisters came to our wedding this summer), I know I need to adjust my ideas of how our holiday should be celebrated to accommodate all families participating. But seeing as how their family starts their get together about 1 or 2 pm and my family is often still opening presents at that time . . . well, last year, my family actually paused their gift opening so we could pick up Mike’s brother and family, drive to the van Luiks in Ridgefield, spend time with their family, drop brother and fam at her mother’s house and then go back to my parents to finish our gift opening and have our meal. It was tiring. I remember thinking ‘I need a nap’ (which is a comment thought in my head) when we got back to my parent’s house.

Of course, there are tweaks to the system now. Mike’s brother now has a car, so we are not having to pick them up anymore. And I am sure after last year, I can convince my family to start the gift opening a bit earlier and perhaps we can double or triple up on the gifts. They aren’t going to be getting reactions like this
Nintendo 64!!!!!! over anything you give an adult.

8 days to Christmas. . . . guess who hasn’t started her shopping yet?

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I’m fine and how are you?

Generally, I would assume that anyone who reads my blog with any regularity would have a good grasp of anything and everything that is going on in my life, but then my friend Sarah pointed out that I am not as open and forthcoming about the details as I was even a year and a half ago. I suppose that is something that comes with the knowledge of how many people are reading your blog each week. Suddenly you feel a bit more exposed and aware of everything you say when you blog is getting over 700 hits a week. (oooh . . . 700? I know it’s not like Dooce or Greek Tragedy, but its the best I’ve ever had.) So I thought I would to a quick update on things:

Marriage - Mike and I are three and a half months in and all is going extremely well. I think I finally brought over the last of the wedding gifts from my parent’s house and we are winding down on what we have left on gift cards and returns. We moved into our new apartment in September and are appreciating having separate bathrooms and more space and windows with a western exposure. I am about 2/3 of the way done with the wedding Thank You cards . . . if you haven’t received yours yet, you will be getting it soon. My mother will shoot me if they aren’t completed soon enough. I am amused and amazed that whenever I run into someone I don’t see often these days, the first thing they as me is "How’s married life?" Not "How are you?" or "How are things?" but how’s married life. Married life is just like single life, except my name is different and I wear another ring. Mike and I are as good as we were before and we are just getting better and better every day. I think that is all anyone can hope for in a marriage. We compromise, we help each other out . . . we watch a mini marathon of "Family Guy" when "House" would be far more interesting . . . but that is love and I do it for him.

Family - My family is doing extremely well. We got through Dad’s cancer and surgery, we survived my wedding and we are just enjoying not having to rush anywhere these days. Mom and Dad are really decking out their new home with furniture and Dad’s workshop (his hobby is woodworking) is nearing completion. Both he and Mike have a list of things they want to make as soon as things are moved in out there. My brother is still with BlueNile and recently moved into a new apartment in downtown Seattle with his best friend Jeff and a classmate of Jeff’s from Gonzaga. I am ashamed I never made it up to see either of the two places that Andrew lived before this, but I am hoping I will get to see the exposed red brick I’ve heard so much about soon enough. Andrew doesn’t have a Myspace page, much to my chagrin, but he is on Facebook. Mike’s niece Jasmine will be 6 years old at the end of December and is thriving in kindergarten, I hear. Busy schedules keep me from seeing her, but I hear she was a cutest panda bear for Halloween and I have asked my sister-in-law for pictures.

Hair - My hair is still long. Actually, it’s probably longer than it was when I posted that I wanted to cut it. And I still don’t have bangs, though I was all of five seconds away from cutting them myself on Sunday morning. Had the hairs combed out and separated, had the part even, had the sharpest scissors I could find and I had several How To websites up on my laptop. But then Mike asked what I was doing and shot me a look when I answered that I soon won’t forget. "Do you remember the last time you cut your own bangs?" He asked . . . and I do. Seventh grade. My hair was wet ( big no-no) and I tried to cut them all at the same time, straight across (another big no-no). I ended up with short ass bangs that were angled downward and got longer the closer they got to the left side of my face. There was no way to cover that and for about four months, I looked even more goofy than I thought I could at 12 years old. So I am going to feel it out a bit more and call my hairdresser Gina and see if we can’t get something more adult worked out than my last disaster. But the hair loss is down to a minimum - just a smidge over what is typical for me. Thank the Lord for thick, coarse, wavy hair. Seems I am really the only one who ever noticed. I feel really badly for anyone with naturally thin hair.

Weight - My office is doing a weight loss contest and it seems that 12 of us have signed up to do it. And when I say us, I mean I am included. There are four ladies doing it and eight men and we are basing the weekly award on who has lost the most and the final winner will be determined by who lost the largest percentage. Even our branch manager is getting in on it again (a few of them did it last year). Some girlfriends and I have already started a weight loss support group together, prior to the contest, so this is only an added motivation on top of my typical "I’m fat - I want to be thin" mantra. Mike and I started going to the apartment complex’s workout room after work each night and though I haven’t seen massively noticeable loss yet, I am hoping it will start to show up soon. I am doing my best to stay in the healthy range of my points, because it is hard enough having to feed Mike and myself. It was so easy when it was just me because I am content with soup for dinner. Mike - not so much. He expects a main course and two sides . . . sides tend to be starchy and with lots of points. And while I can handle making him cookies or pudding or whatever - dinners are much harder.

Job - Work is great. I love it. I have been in my new position for two months now and we are all still adjusting to what all it is I actually do here. But it is always something new and exciting every day with enough of the usual to keep me busy. The funny thing is that right before I was hired at AppleOne in 2004, they almost sent me here to interview. Part of me wishes that had happened and I could have just skipped over those years at AppleOne - but then I wouldn’t know Jill and Crystal and Christy and all the others that were a blast to work with. I wouldn’t have met Kymberli and she wouldn’t have talked me into signing up for Myspace, so I never would have met Mike. I can’t complain too much. I just kind of feel like this is where I am meant to be. We have our Christmas party on the first (my first office Christmas party. I have never worked for a company that actually held those before this.) of December and then later on in the month we have Mike’s Christmas party too.

Holidays - we finally get to have a tree this year and Mike has already found his stocking. You’d suspect it to be black, but we couldn’t find black, so he settled for gun metal grey. I will have to add some embellishments to it (his name and such) but its the start of a Frey family tradition, I think. Now I need to find one to compliment both his and my own taste . . . This is my favorite time of year and I am really looking forward to all the memories and laughter and good times. No solid plans for New Years, since it seems our usual group is going to be a bit scattered across the country this year, but I am looking forward to ringing 2008 as Mrs. Frey all the same.

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Queen of Procrastination

I’m supposed to be packing. We were approved for the apartment of our choice and are signing the new lease and getting the keys on Sunday (yea yea yea!) and we are aiming to be living in the apartment by Sunday night. At least, sleeping there. It’s a goal and a reasonable one at that.

See, I am finding that guys think a certain way about things like moving and packing and such and girls think another. I look around my home of the last two and a half years and I seriously wonder how I am ever going to be able to pack it all up in less than 48 hours. I see the closets and the cabinets and the drawers filled with things. Some things, I do plan to trash or recycle, give away or sell. The others I plan to keep with me and pack carefully away. Mike sees 700 square feet. He sees it as a whole and wonders how it could take me more than one focused day to pack it all up and move.

Yes, in reality, it shouldn’t take me FOREVER to pack up this place. I did manage to pack up my life in less than 24 hours before, but I was very encouraged by the fact that I was fearful I would lose my nerve and stay somewhere I didn’t want to. And while I am extremely excited to get moved and start using all our wedding gifts, it is going to be hard to get it all done this weekend.

Mimi moves to her new home on Sunday too. I am trying not to think about too much, but am appreciating the moments she gives me, like a few moments ago when she came and joined me on the sofa. She never has been much of a cuddler.

So. . . there are old popcorn tins in the bedroom closet with old letters and memorabilia from an old relationship. Until now, I was being sentimental and kept it for old times’ sake. I know he probably hasn’t saved anything from our days together, so I am feeling a bit justified in throwing out old stuff like that.

New apartment. New marriage. New chapter in my life. It’s time for a clean slate on lots of different levels.

I better get to packing.

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