I watch more carefully what rolls off my tongue
February 5, 2008 – 4:40 pmI was reminded of this blogging task when I read Jenn’s post today on She Likes Purple. I posted the following on my old Blogger blog back on December 1, 2004. It’s quite amusing for me to read, because some of them I can still tell you exactly who I was ’speaking’ to and others, I have no idea.
The idea is to write fifteen sentences or paragraphs or whatever to fifteen people you really wanted to say something to. But you leave out their names . . . to add that air of mystery.
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Can we forget about the things I said when I was drunk
I stole this from Lauren, who got it from someone else. It’s pretty theraputic. Like writing that letter to get everything out emotionally but taking the safety and comfort of knowing that it will never be sent. Yes, I should have been a therapist.
Okay . . . so fifteen people. I left out names because Lord only knows who would stumble onto this site. Something that I would never say, for whatever reason.
My anger towards you was not actually at you, but at your mother. And really, it was more resentment. But that’s passed and now I just pity you. And her. Mainly her, because really, she was a waste. Her greatest accomplishment was you. She peaked at 21.
It is so disappointing that someone as outgoing and sexual as you are is such a bad kisser. I built that moment up in my head for so long that it really was a let down.
I hope you see now where I was coming from and what my motivation was to leave. It’s your hell now. Understand, it’s not you he’s not happy with, but himself. And no matter how hard you try, you cannot change that.
I probably am too good for you. In the end, you would drag me down. Maybe not as others have, but I would resent you for everything that I could have had in my life but forfeited to keep you happy. Not everything is a compromise.
You may not remember, or perhaps ever know, but I actually was the one who first said that thing you are so remembered for. Not that I would want to claim that. I was just naive at the time and so desperate to defend you. I didn’t want the truth to be real, or true. And here, years later, we still bring it up.
You are just a little too neurotic at times
I often wonder if you really think that everything you say is loving, regardless of how harsh it is. Your words sometimes cut so close and haunt for so long that I wonder what it is that goes on in your head.
Though I love you, you are too shallow. You are not as fantastic as you think you are and not every man needs to be a fucking Abercrombie Model to be worthy of dating you.
It was my fault that we lost touch and I don’t even know why I would ever let someone else dictate who I could and could not talk to. Often, I do think about what might have been.
You seriously are so much like me, it scares me. I can see us being very best friends here before long.
I don’t know you, but you scare me a little. But I also know that if I knew you, you’d be an awesome, though sometimes scary, friend to have.
There were others, too.
Sometimes, I wish I had gotten your genes. True, I’d still hate my body, but the changes would be so much easier to make.
I love you. I would have your lovechild. Nothing in the past matters. But where the hell did you go???
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?? Why didn’t you take me along at least to talk you through it all and help you out? Why did you become jealous of something that you started, you invited, you wanted? It’s just unfair . . .
