Life as Betsy » Weight Watchers

Reality Check

April 28, 2008 – 10:00 pm

I am utterly thrilled and thankful that Sarah took pictures of my birthday party last weekend, because I didn’t even think to get my camera out until well later into the night and didn’t really get good shots. But looking through the shots, I can’t help but notice how much thicker I look in them than I really feel. And that, my friends, is defeating. I could give you a laundry list of reasons why I look so heavy and they would include:

~cookies
~cupcakes
~birthday cake
~egg rolls
~tiramisu
~chicken fetticini alfredo
~pizza
~chocolate peanut butter rice crispy treats
~almond puff
~burgers
~clucks and fries
~wine
~rum
~bacon wrapped shrimp
~mini meatballs in a sweet sauce
~truffles
~Mondo Burrito
~lack of walking for several weeks (yikes)
~drinking more soda and less water
~the pre-menstral bloating I suffer each month

Yeah, I know. I kind of referred to last week as a "wash" because I knew between several birthdays, including my own, not to mention the graduation spread that my friends Natile and Briana had been planning for their final day of school, there was little point in really trying to avoid it.

So I was prepared when we went to WW tonight (something we hadn’t done in several weeks - thank you sinus infection) that I would be up. And I was. 3.6 pounds. But really, for the amount of high point foods I consumed last week, that wasn’t all that bad.

This isn’t a lement blog entry about how fat I am and what I know I need to do to get thin. I have written too many of those in the past and even I am sick of them. But I only find it fair to tell you where I am with this battle. Right now, I am glad I gained as little as I did and am confident that this was a bump and not a large step in the wrong direction.

I can handle the cookies in the cookie jar and the individual bags of chips Mike has for his lunches. I am cool with the cornbread and the meatloaf and the homemade mac and cheese too. I just have a hard time with the cake, especially birthday cake, especially especially MY birthday cake. Sadly, I am debating downing another piece tonight, just to get more of it ‘out’ of here. But I’ll be good and finish my water and probably just take the rest to school tomorrow. Some of the girls there will eat anything you put on the break room table.

Now I just have to remain strong and not be one of those girls.

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Working Theory

April 13, 2008 – 10:22 pm

Working theory -

If you cannot taste the food, due to cold/shut down senses, the food’s calories and/or points do not count.

Despite my general lack of energy for working out this last week (I did get a mile and a quarter in on Tuesday night after school), I still have managed to lose about 2.5 pounds, though I suspect it may have more to do with my lack of eating a lot. I just cannot get enthusiastic about food when I cannot fully taste it. Right now, my taste buds are catching about 25% of flavor, if that is possible.

Last night, I made Mike pancakes and eggs. I stood there over the fry pans and could not smell a think. Its a bit defeating . . . almost more difficult to handle than the pressure and the other funness. If you can’t taste food, what is the point in trying to enjoy it?

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When I was a size 8

April 10, 2008 – 10:19 pm

Before you ask, I have no idea where this photo was taken. I don’t know why I am wearing the hat or the odd glasses. I actually didn’t even know the photo existed until my instructor/ex-boyfriend from high school’s mother mentioned it and I asked her to bring it in. I don’t recall anything about this picture. Knowing the age range I was when I dated Sean, I had to be 16 and seeing as how that is probably the thinnest I have ever been, those are smallest jeans I have ever worn. Well, as in after I reached my adult height and lost weight the first time ever.

It’s really strange to see a photo of yourself from the past that you’ve never seen before. I know all the photos in my photo albums and I have seen all the photos that my parents have . . . so seeing this is quite hilarious.

And a bit depressing. Mike says I should look at it as encouragement and a "peek into the future", to what I can get back down to, if I really want to. Knowing that it was so hard to stay that small, since it’s not healthy for me to be that size, I am aiming for about 10 pounds above that. It’s nice to have some photographic proof that I was there once before and I’ll get there again this year. So now . . . I’m going to post this on my fridge.

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The fat girl inside me I never let eat

March 23, 2008 – 10:31 pm

Why is it that some girls never see how fat they really are and then, other girls never embrace or accept how much weight they have lost and how great they now look? I think girls who have spent an indefinite amount of time being heavier than they wanted to be learn to adjust their thinking to that size ( both in positive and negative ways) but there doesn’t seem to be any diet that really helps with the mental angle of accepting that you are no longer fat. Perhaps it is something touching close in the brain to what affects anorexics and bulemics. They look in the mirror and see something disorted from what is the truth. Its never good enough, it’s never thin enough. I think, often, women (and men) trying to lose weight can fall prey to a similar mentality.

For about two months, we were attending WW meetings on Wednesday evenings and one of our local success stories was attending the same meetings as us. In a year, he had dropped nearly half his body weight and now he is a tall, lanky runner who last I had heard, had run five marathons. A year. November of 2006, he was over 300 pounds and now you’d never know it. But one night, at one of the meetings, even he said that he struggled at times with realizing and accepting that he was no longer that big guy who hadn’t eaten a piece of fruit in over six months.

It’s nice right now because I constantly have something to focus on - getting to that smaller weight. Whether it is two pounds, twelve or twenty, I have my eye on the prize and hardly let it wander elsewhere. But will I really see myself the weight I am when I reach my goal? Will I accept that when I look in the mirror, I have actually reached the destination that I was looking for? I try not to compare my weight to anyone else’s. I attend school with a girl who this week was struggling with her appearance in general. But one of the days, she kept asking us if she really looked like she weighed 160. She’s shorter than me and more round then me in general, but its strange to think she only weighs less than 10 pounds less than I do. I can’t gauge where I am with my own personal weight by looking at her, can I?

Of course, another side to this entire mental breakthrough for those who have finally lost the weight is the judgemental side. You finally lose the weight and find that it was easier than you had dreaded it would be. Suddenly, you start to notice all the other people around you who could stand to lose their extra weight buy don’t and you judge them. You feel this sense of superiority, because you are no longer them. I am not saying everyone who loses the weight becomes that kind of a person, but sadly, it is easier to fall into that mentality than one would like to admit. Several years ago, someone even sent a postcard into Postsecret about it:

I don’t feel as thin this time around at my current weight then I did last time, or even the first time I really lost weight. You lose and gain weight differently each time, from where it goes on to how it comes off. So how do I go about convincing myself that when I reach my goal weight that I actually am that thin, or even acknowledging now that I am not where I was twenty pounds or even two months ago?

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Weekly Weigh In

March 10, 2008 – 2:38 pm

Down 4.2 this week! Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited, mostly because it didn’t feel like a huge struggle to lose that. It was just dedication to going to the gym on a regular basis. It was making sure to drink my water every day. I knew I would have a loss this week, but I definitely didn’t expect 4.2 pounds.Okay . . . got to go workout!

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Mixed Reviews

March 8, 2008 – 10:30 pm

"Mikey, I think my boobies are getting smaller!"

"Yeah. I know."

"Don’t sound so sad about it!"

"Don’t sound so happy!"

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That inner glow

March 6, 2008 – 10:46 pm

Time is precious these days with a schedule like mine, so I figured it was time to utilize and maximize the time I have in the mornings before work. That means getting my ass out of bed and getting to the gym to workout in the mornings.

It seems like each week, I am meeting or encouraging others to look into and start WW themselves, because it is one of the few weightloss lifestyle plans out there that work. So the more people who know that I am doing this, the more compelled I feel to keep with it, to keep getting results and to be a strong ear, shoulder, cornerstone for them to turn to in a moment of crisis.

I knew there weren’t any more excuses to why I wasn’t getting up in the mornings before 8 am to workout. So I forced myself up and dressed at on the treadmill by 7:15 for a brisk 2 mile walk before showering and work. It was harder for me to get up and moving and it certainly was a bit intimidating to be walking next to a neighbor who is training to run marathons on the treadmill next to me. But I walked around beaming inside today knowing that I had done it. Who knows if I will get up and do it again tomorrow or not (though I hope I do), but at least tonight, I can snuggle up on the sofa with Mike and not be sweaty.

I am loving school. There is something so fulfilling about going to school to learn and feeling like I am playing. I gave two manicures tonight, one to a fellow student (who works out at Total Family Fitness - the gym Mike’s dad owns) and one to a client who is originally from Vancouver, B.C. I am liking how I am getting to meet so many new people in our city. I touched up the polish for a sophomore from River right before closing too (Hi Elizabeth!). I don’t drive home tired and dreading the following day. I am looking forward to it.

Practice makes perfect and I want to perfect everything I learn. Anyone interested in being a manicure model??

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The many faces of Betsy June

March 5, 2008 – 10:43 pm

Three months of face comparisons. Now I don’t know if I see much of a difference from February to March, but I think the March picture shows the loss better compared to January. And now that I have added regular exercise to my schedule, I am guessing the April picture will show a big difference.

You can follow my daily weight loss by clicking the "scale" link at the top of the page. I think I am going to indicate the days I work out and the distance I walked those days. Yeah . . . I’m excessive like that.

I so want a Pop tart right now, but they’re 4 points a tart and so not worth it.

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Weekly Weigh in

March 3, 2008 – 1:39 pm

Mom and I once again joined the Monday meetings at the Heights’ Center tonight for our weekly WW meeting. With class starting tomorrow, Monday nights will be my only free night and therefore, it’s a little me time.

I was down another pound tonight. One pound closer to my WW goal (free meetings) and one pound closer to my personal goal too. Since this go around, I am currently at the lowest I’ve been at meeting weigh ins. And that feels so good.

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Runner’s high

February 29, 2008 – 9:52 pm

A number of years ago, I signed up and started training for the Avon 3 Day Breast Cancer walk. Just like the title says - it’s three days of walking, twenty miles a day. 60 miles in a weekend. The walk was the weekend of July 12th, 13th and 14th, 2002 and I am so proud to say that I completed the walk. It was without a doubt, one of the proudest moments of my life. For me to sign up, train for and complete that walk, well it was one of the few things I have completed without a guided, outlined "this is how to get it done" booklet.

While training, I went to a store in Palo Alto called ‘The Runner’s High’ and purchased my first pair of Nu Balance cross trainers. See, I supinate when I walk and it was causing discomfort in my knee. But the salesguy at the store had me walk up and down this hallway, barefoot, as he examined my walk and was able to properly fit me with the kind of shoe that would counteract my non-rolling feet.

I love the term "the runner’s high" - that buzz you get when you are exerting energy, pushing through a rough patch to the next smooth coast. But of course, I am not a runner and "the walker’s high" doesn’t quite have the same ring to it. So I did it tonight. I ran. Not for long. Not even for the entirety of a sing song on my iPod. But Pink’s ‘U + Ur Hand’ came on and there is something about the chorus of that song that makes me want to run. So I did.

I have passed the threshold of having to work out to wanting to work out this week and I have to tell you, it feels so good. But it also feels great to see results every morning on the scale.

We’ll have to see if I’ll be able to finish out the song by the end of next week.

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